What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 05:35
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Why would an older small breed dog become obsessive about hygiene?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My family never makes their pension either.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
How was your JEE Advanced 2024 result?
She was in good health!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
When she asked me how she looked .
Was Adam white or black (African)?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I have no regrets .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Especially a lifetime of it.
One cannot live in the past .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I said to her
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Who then, do I blame.?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But it wasn’t much.
Which current F1 drivers should switch teams based on historical patterns?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
How is bestiality wrong, but killing animals for sport or trophies is considered okay?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I have a bad reputation and need help. What should I do?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
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We were not on the streets..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I will be 64.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I think the readers, may guess!
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I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I never cut or harmed myself..
So whats the point in blame.
I don,t even have a pension.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
It was going to be , some day.
Im still living with it.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Comes on , in middle age.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But, we were locked up after school.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She wouldn,t have been !
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She married twice! .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She loved him until the end.
I was 9 years of age.
So, i spoilt her more .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But ive been too sick for many years..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I was very sick at this time too.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And i lived it daily.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He resisted the act ,that day.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
My life is so biszare .
We all went to grammer schools
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I was seconnd youngest,
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I could never make a relationship work though!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He knew the spot.
All the time i was locked up.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Why did i forgive my father ?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Ive learnt so much.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I was scared of men, in general
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
(And it was in our own minds.)
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
This is soul school!.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Would this be the day?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I couldn’t, believe it.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
What did i know ?
Was to survive, this bastard.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I waited trembling.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She found it foreign!.
Put me off passion for life!!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I write beautiful poetry .